JUNE 19 BLOG PREFACE, DISCLAIMER, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CONSIDER THIS.

I’ve gotten emails, comments, facebooks, secret messages sent through tony from some of you guys about this blog.

I will admit some of it is just raw emotion, it makes you laugh, it makes you cry.

For some of you, it makes you concerned about my mental state.

Let me ask, where the hell have you been for the last 59 years, it’s not like dale and crazy is a new combo!

Let me share the truth with you all.

When I’m writing it, it makes me laugh, and it makes me cry.  

It makes me sad, but it’s also is very cleansing to let this emotion out.

Painful, but cleansing.

 I really don’t reread these entries, but then they are all pretty new, and it’s not like I’m forgetting any of this. (and i'm trying not to repeat myself, but that will happen)

I mentioned earlier my concern for the whole “you’re born alone, you die alone” and how I tried to be there for Jackie.

Well, you grieve alone too, and it ain’t pretty.

I’m just kind of giving you guys a play by play.

But I’m ok. Thanks for asking!

OK, TO THE BLOG:

Happy birthday to me.

#59.

Today would have been jackie’s favorite day of the year.

Since her birthday is in late april, I think she always liked june 19^th, just because it made us the same age again.

Next year will be hard.

Who remembers the party in 1993, when we both turned 40? (show of hands)

I remember the whole thing, more or less, somewhere there is a squeaky voiced video, that tony and nick kind of shot together. Their voices cracked us up, It was almost 20 years ago.

Our plan was, since we were both turning 40, and people like to do silly things when you get ‘that old’, we booked the lakeside lodge for a date in May, halfway between april 28 and june 19.

We let everyone know really early on, so there could be no surprises.

(is that controlling your own destiny?  Probably not, more containing chaos)

Then there was 2003, the year we both turned 50.

Thanks peggy and bob, for a lifetime of great memories from that two and a half weeks in Hawaii, it wouldn’t have been the same without you guys there to share it.

I can almost remember that one, day by day, hour by hour, all the wonderful things that went on.  All the fun we had, such a wonderful trip.

(I could go on, and on about it, but then it would only mean stuff to me, and the above mentioned P&B)

Jackie left on March 24^th, you all remember that.

Her birthday would have been the 28^th of April.

There were a lot of people who made that one manageable.

That was one busy day! (it helped a lot)

• The MS walk in the morning.
• Meeting at Gate of Heaven to leave a little of her ashes with John and Dottie.
• (the magic butterfly)
• Then, the ritual of gathering and moving and doing all of her clothes, I couldn’t have done that, ever, thanks sisters!
• In the afternoon, there were drinks at BrazenHead with Theresa, Terry, Kim & Mo. A nice salute to Jackie.
• All followed, late into the evening with some live music with Lori & Pete. (my live music buddies) 

Wow, and today is a Tuesday, that’s going to be hard to pour that much stuff into a Tuesday.

maybe this will be a good night to think of the last 28 birthdays that we had together.

i can't remember a bad one, but then, jackie was there for me each time.

my 50th was a good one, by that time i was out of work, jackie was doing the every other week in denver with the Facets rollout.

she was concerned that year, she had to be in denver for two consecutive weeks, and didn't know the best way to work around my birthday.

i told her to make it the middle two weeks, and i'd have my birthday out there. it beat being unemployed sitting on my couch in Mason, OH.

i drove my jeep out there, after dropping her at CVG to fly out.

it was a long drive, thanks to tony i had more than enough live phish CD's. listened to each show, front to back.

being there on my birthday was a good thing.

i passed a homeless guy first thing out of the garage, stopped at a light, he came up, 'hey buddy i'm out of work'.

i said, i got you one better, i'm out of work, and its my 50th birthday' i gave him a ten, and told him to celebrate with me.

i hit Mt. Evans a little later, too early to hike it, but i drove to the top.

burned out old restaurant/hotel or something at the top of that 14er.

started snowing, and didn't stop until there was around four or five inches on the ground.

i thought that was a nice little birthday surprise.

(and i was glad i had my jeep with me, not only the four wheel drive for the trip down, but my own, a car i was very familiar with)

stopped at the small bar, souvenir place near the lake on the way down. (i think that's about 11k)

nice hot bowl of buffalo chilli and a cold beer.

happy birthday to me!

as for this year...

Maybe a quiet night, a drink just jackie and me.

(she’s still not much of a drinker, but she sure can soak it up now)

Ewww, if dale is talking, can bad taste be far behind?

Anyway, happy birthday to me, many happy returns.

(I did promise her!)

and thank you all, for your concern, your caring, and your love.

from the bottom of both of our hearts!

namaste